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Travel Notes

by Jack Curry. Average Reading Time: almost 2 minutes.

I got in to JFK at 5am this morning. However, I wouldn’t be able to pick up the key to the place I’m staying at until about 9am, and as I didn’t really want to lug around two (rather large) bags with me on the subway and around various surface streets for four hours, I thought it a good plan to just hang out in the terminal for a few hours. Some observations:

• America is terribly obese. 
• Old people are extremely confused travelers. 
• Usually your stereotypical guess as to where a certain traveler might be from is the correct one (i.e. couple that has a million bags, both wearing huge watches, and just walking with a certain haughty gait…talking about going home to Miami. Who woulda thunk?)
• There is a family of birds living inside of Terminal 5. Dead serious: there is a flock of sparrows zipping around the ceilings in the terminal. 
• If I had to guesstimate, 75% of the female population wears skinny jeans. 
• There are some epic beard / sideburn combos in the vicinity of the airport…I can only imagine what kinds of surprises the rest of the hipster population of NYC has in store
• Kids in airports will randomly break out in tears / complaints for no apparent reason. Seriously, one minute they’re completely silent, the next they’re the goddamn Niagara Falls. 
• The great time-passer in terminals used to be reading a book that you just bought at the newsstand—the new one is obsessively checking smartphones. 
• White guy that took Spanish in high school: you should not be the one to be doing the bilingual announcements. You tried homie, but it’s definitely not your forte.
• Lady that grew up learning Spanish: you should definitely keep doing the bilingual announcements. It’s like a Latin machine gun just spraying tracers all over the place. 
• What’s with all the kids traveling by themselves? Airports apparently are now daycares.
• People that are rushing to make their flight have a very distinctive running style.
• Airport employees just do not give a fuck. 

These are the few that I could glean in a few hours. Feel free to add your own. 

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